I feel compelled to post this right now…. I have been going over this for a while now. I felt the need to write about it because I STRONGLY believe that nothing comes from hiding our truths and there might be others who have or are going through something similar, and if I can somehow give, even a virtual hug to others and let them know they are not alone then let’s use this as a stepping stone towards that. I actually started to write this post a few months ago… I’ve been working on it ever since… truth: it has not been an easy one to put out there.
A tiny bit of background… I have PCOS (Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome), among other things, that I deal with-health wise. According to doctors, and I have actually been told this, I wasn’t really supposed to have my two daughters. Thankfully God said otherwise! With that said… after I had our first daughter, we were trying to have a second and eventually got pregnant, but not long after had the miscarriage. It was a very down time for me (to say the least). Thankfully, my husband was supportive, as he always is when we’ve gone through times like this and other health issues, etc.
This stirring up in me started when a friend of mine posted on her blog’s Facebook fan page about HER experience of miscarriages and how during a conversation with her son he asked what their names where, to which she didn’t have an answer… as of that moment. It dawned on me that when I had my miscarriage the baby was just way too little to determine the sex, so DH and I talked about it, but decided we just can’t seem to be able to name the baby because we don’t know if it was a boy or girl (although in my heart I THINK it was a boy… don’t know why.)
We know God works in mysterious ways, and wouldn’t you know it, as DH and I went to the meetings with infertility doctors and were getting ready to start treatment… God does something amazing again! So, it turns out that the Tuesday before we would have started treatments (on that Thursday), DH told me, “you’re pregnant”… and he had told me this with the previous pregnancies also… before we ever even tested. And, just for kicks, and since I had purchased pregnancy tests in bulk (No joke! Hey, we were trying!) I went ahead and tested… and then tested again, to make sure and I wasn’t just wishful “reading” the thing. We showed up to the infertility appointment with the pregnancy test… they tested again and confirmed it! And now this little one is 6 years old! Praise God!
I think about the miscarriage. I don’t know how someone how has gone through one wouldn’t. I like to imagine the baby playing around in heaven and I look forward to meeting him or her one day. My girls know about this baby and we have talked about it and how he/she would have been the “middle” child. They ask if DH and I were sad about it. They also talk about how they can’t wait to meet him/her in Heaven some day. And, over all, I’m glad that DH, our girls, and I freely talk about it.
I think that people need to have a circle where they can freely talk about matters in their heart. And, you also have to be careful about who you allow access to your sensitive and important moments/times in your life. Time like these (which are already hard) don’t need people who bring drama or non-supportive people… you need support… and I have learned with time that people whom we might THINK (or even WISH) would be part of your support team aren’t necessarily the best ones for that. It’s important to under this because this (and other situations) is not something that is easy to just go through. I read something the other day that said something along the lines of there being a title for someone who losses a spouse (widow/widower), for a child who loses a parent (orphan), but there is nothing like that for a parent who loses a child. I’ve noticed it’s not something that is usually talked about much, although I must say, I’ve noticed more people being open about it lately. Thank God. To be honest, as some of you might know, somewhere deep inside, although it’s stuff you don’t ever want others to experience… there is a sense of “Oh, I’m not alone” when you find out others who have been through what you’ve been through. I guess that’s why support groups are so great, huh!?!
There are some support groups online specifically set up for people who have had miscarriages…. if you don’t have support or anyone you feel comfortable talking to in person, I urge you to look up one of those groups and join in conversations with others who have gone through the same. You don’t have to go through such a time alone. Look for a support group that works for you… whether it’s in person or online.
If you wish to read more about my friend’s testimony, where she goes more in-depth about her two miscarriages… check out her “about me” page on her blog: “So You Call Yourself a Homeschooler?”
If you wish to chat some more about this topic, feel free to comment here, on the blog’s FB page, or email me at email@example.com
If you’ve experienced a miscarriage, or have otherwise lost a child… receive from me right now a huge virtual hug.